Friday, June 13, 2014

Thirtysomething and A Million Billion Moments to Praise

As I sit on the eve of my 'thirtysomething' birthday, (side note:  do you remember that show 'thirtysomething'?  Man, those people seemed SO old to me when that show was on and now I have been one of them for 6 years!) I'm going to take some time to reflect on some of the happenings of life and motherhood I have been thinking about lately.  Most of these thoughts come from a journal entry from earlier this week.

Motherhood is significant and I know what I do matters.  A million billion moments make up who my children will become.  And life is just too short.  Sometimes heartbreakingly short.  But sometimes being a mom just doesn't feel significant.  It seems so difficult to find enough people to help in areas of childcare in the church and even harder to find people to enter into lives of a mom and truly get to know and love her children (a special thanks to those who do that for mine!).  When minute after minute and hour after hour start closing in around me, I sometimes don't recognize just how deeply the gospel is at work here:  Jesus telling me to deny myself, Jesus telling me the last will be first, Jesus telling the little children to come to Him.  I've heard it said to not take too much credit for your children's successes or too much responsibility for their failures and this is wise.  But, when I lay next to Josiah in the middle of the night when he is scared or when I hold Emma's hand as she falls asleep or when I move towards Isaac in love when he is moving away from me in defiance, this is giving life and this is significant.  It matters.  I wish I always did those things with a gracious, surrendered heart.  I don't.  But sometimes I do.  Jesus taught me to live those moments.  He is refining me every day so my responses conform more to His.  He loves me!

As I write this, Emma is sitting on the floor screaming about stickers.  Josiah is trying to take other people's stuff (as he often does!).  Isaac is currently content with his stickers, but asked another why question (I wish I had a nickel for every why question he asks during a day!  And also a PhD in Science so I would actually answer half of them!).  Now Josiah is screaming.  I feel so bad at this.  God entrusted all of these children to me???  It's hard to believe sometimes.  He has given me the desires of my heart, but my heart is so fragile and weak.  The song I am listening to tells me I have never walked alone.  It says God is faithful.  It is right. 

In our hyper-independent culture, do other people ever feel this way?  Are we just afraid to admit out loud that we are inadequate for this task of motherhood?  There is hope in that moment because God is more than adequate and His Spirit lives in me!  This is what is true.  "He who calls you is faithful and He will do it" (I Thessalonians 5:24).  I want to care more about God's glory than my comfort, my adequacy, my self.  I guess, as usual, it comes back to thinking rightly about God.  He is here.  He cares.  He is in the hard moments and they are more than purposeful.  If I care as much about the gospel going out as I say I do, I will praise Him in this moment-when I am weary and weak, but where He is awake (He never slumbers!  Psalm 121!) and strong.

My precious little peach!

Celebrating our sweet King Josiah!

Enjoying beautiful days!..

And, of course, I cannot let my birthday pass without wishing you a 'Happy Flag Day!'

No comments:

Post a Comment