Reflecting on 40

Two days ago, on a warm Flag Day, I turned 40 years old. That seems tremendously hard to believe. I am the youngest child who was never interested in 'growing up too fast.'I loved my Care Bears and Barbies and was not interested in boys until well into my teen years (except if you count my crushes on Fred Savage during his Wonder Years years or Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block). Yet, here I sit at 40-all grown up with kids of my own who are also not interested in 'growing up too fast', although it sometimes seems that they are! My 40th birthday seemed like a good time to reflect on God's goodness and kindness towards me-I haven't deserved it, but He has granted it. The first passage of Scripture that came to mind as I woke up on June 14, 2018 was Philippians 3. The verses that first came to mind were 13 and 14, "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." The Apostle Paul, the writer of the book of Philippians, was constantly looking heavenward-upward. Earlier in Chapter 3, he speaks about what he could boast in-namely his ethnic and religious background. He even says he could boast in being a persecutor of the Christian church and being blameless in outward conduct. One thing he could not boast in was love. Self-righteous people rarely boast in love. But on that amazing day that God used to change the course of Christian missions forever, the risen Christ met Paul (then Saul) on the road to Damascus and blinded him for three days so that he could finally truly see for the first time. This led Paul to write these words to the church at Philippi, "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" (3:7-8). Before Paul's encounter with Jesus Christ on the road to Damascus, he counted gain his self-confidence in things that would never save. Then he learned that all those things were rubbish in the face of the one true Savior. Now that I am 40, it means that for almost half of my life I have been committed to walking with the Lord-far from perfectly, but wholeheartedly. I have counted the things of this world rubbish compared to knowing Christ and God has given me glorious freedom-freedom from striving to be good enough on my own, freedom from striving to be strong enough to heal my own wounds, and freedom from striving for things from a world that "has nothing for me and this world has everything" (Caedmon's Call). It may seem strange that a major part of reflecting on turning 40 was reflecting on a chapter in the Bible that Paul wrote almost 2000 years ago, but if you know me at all, I hope that you know that the one thing I want you to know more than anything else in the whole world is what it means that Jesus loved you so much, He gave His life on the cross in our place for our sins and then He defeated death on the third day! This is the good news of the Bible and I pray for those of you who have not trusted in Christ as your Savior to trust in Him today and for those who have, to walk in the glorious freedom that He gives to His children. This is what I hope you know most about me. I also took time to reflect on my 30's through the lens Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." The theme that came through that exercise most was God's kindness towards me this last decade. He was kind to bring Ricky and me together. He was kind to give us 4 beautiful, amazing, challenging children. He was kind to never let us go as we experienced good times and hard times and a lot of times in between. He is kind. I pray that I can walk into this next decade living the inside-out life fueled by God's kindness for His glory-pressing on to the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Because God is always worthy of praise. GOODBYE 30's...you were full and now your time is through.. HELLO 40's...your time is wide open as I await what God will do. 40th Birthday pictures...we took an impromptu trip to Nashville, Tennessee. This went about as well as you would think an impromptu trip with 4 kids to a little hotel room would go, but it was filled with memories nonetheless!.. Breakfast in bed followed by sweet gifts from Ricky and the kids. Enjoyed my birthday dinner at Rainforest Cafe Nashville in my new Rax (best roast beef ever made) shirt. :) Spending time at a Nashville park with the kids. Picture of all of us at Parthenon in Nashville. There were replica Greek statues inside and Micah said, 'That one has his diaper off!' :) Enjoying birthday treat at Hard Rock Cafe Nashville. The waitress wished me a happy 20th birthday and Josiah said, "you don't look 20, you look 40." Saw this sign up in a Motherhood store in the mall in Nashville and thought it summed up my 30's well!  When I turned 30, I was engaged to Ricky.We got married when I was 30, had Isaac at 31, Emma at 32, adopted Josiah when I was 35, and had Micah when I was 37. It has certainly been a full decade-not to mention numerous moves and many other major life occurrences (some good and some really hard)!

4 Years Into Forever!

Since today is Micah's 2nd birthday, that means it has also been exactly 4 years since we landed on US soil from China with our then newest son, Josiah.  Those days are still such a blur.  Filled with so much joy and so much sadness.  Instead of taking our connecting flight from Chicago O'Hare to Washington Dulles, my Chicagoland brother Mike helped us pick up our rental minivan and Ricky and I drove 6 hours with 3 very tired, very jet lagged little ones to Louisville, Kentucky to say good-bye to their beloved Uncle Lance as he lay in a hospital room just hours from breathing his last breath on this earth.  After they said their good-byes, I drove with Isaac, Emma, and Josiah to a nearby hotel where a dear friend was waiting to help me.  Ricky stayed in the hospital with his mom for the next 24 hours plus until Lance stepped into eternity into his beloved Savior's arms.  The days and weeks that followed seemed impossible to bear.  We returned to Maryland to find a flooded house, with 2 boys that would make every second of the coming months difficult on their mama, plus a fierce little girl who persevered with a broken heart and many tears over the loss of her uncle.  It was so hard.  The word hard does not even come close to describing what those days held.  But, God was there and He sustained us.  He sustained Ricky through officiating his little brother's funeral.  He sustained me through long days and even longer nights with Josiah.  He sustained through an unexpected pregnancy that left me incredibly sick most days for months, unable to even keep an ice cube down.  We were weary and we were worn.  Then we packed up our life in Maryland and moved back to Ricky's old Kentucky home, as Ricky accepted the Senior Pastor position at Evergreen Baptist Church in Frankfort, Kentucky.  Less than 2 months later, Micah was born and many sleepless nights of infancy later, we sit with our 2, 5, 6, and 8 year olds, finding their niches in this new world.  When I take time to sit back and think about it, I am really proud of all of them.  Isaac and Emma cried and cried for their home in Maryland, the only home they remembered.  But, through tears, Isaac walked into Mrs. West's Kindergarten room in the middle of the school year.  God provided him a sweet best friend and year after year since our move, one child has left Mrs. West's Kindergarten class and another has entered.  God is with us and He always will be.

When I really first started to walk with the Lord halfway through college, I learned a lot about finding out what my spiritual gifts were and then living out those gifts in life and ministry.  This is a good and Biblical teaching.  But Jesus also tells His followers, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.  For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.  For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself?"  (Luke 9:23-25).  This adoption journey has been so challenging.  Pursuing Josiah's heart as a parent has been no job for the faint of heart.  Motherhood in general has pushed me so far beyond any spiritual gift that has shown up on a spiritual gifts test for me.  It seems that too often, I have just wanted to follow where my gifts would take me, but oftentimes, denying myself and taking up my cross and following Jesus has taken me far beyond that comfort zone and into the corner of the house with a blanket over my head pleading for God to be my strength in weakness.  And He has and He always will.  He will answer each time I call.

If God is asking you to do something impossible today, something close to His heart, some radical act of obedience, I pray that you will follow Him.  There have been so many days with Josiah that I have felt at such a complete loss as to how to parent him and have grasped for wisdom and joy.  But I also see how that little boy who fought me and fought me and fought me night after night and day after day, has grown and flourished and is struggling to reach the potential God has for him.  Instead of sitting in an orphanage 7000 miles away, he followed his big brother and big sister's footsteps bravely into Mrs. West's class.  He can read sight words (usually while doing flips off the couch!) and carries his favorite Bible verse in his heart ("But God shows His love for us in this, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  -Romans 5:8), and he belongs in our family and he is a found treasure to us.  God will answer and He will provide and He will sustain His children.  He always has and He always will.

Celebrating 4 years into forever with Josiah! 

(he will be 6 in May, it has been 4 years since we adopted him)

                 Our curious, adventurous, wild, hilarious, strong-willed, goofy, brave 2 year old Micah!

                                                       Our Family of 6 last Thanksgiving!